Thoughts on The Eve of My 30th Birthday!

 February, 2008
11:00 p.m, PH time

30 long years! God…it’s quite scary when I think about it and more so as I write about it. It’s funny how I seem to cringe at the thought of its impending and inevitable reality. I’ll be 30 in a few hours and as I struggle to believe that it will just be another birthday, there is something about the number that feels like I am starting over a new phase. I feel like I am leaving something behind and moving on to the next level. I ponder - am I finally about to leave my comfort zone?  Am I ready to face the real world?

One of the most important realizations I have is that life is mysterious and magical and that no matter how you prepare for it, many things still leave us unprepared. It is amazing how you turn 1 with a bang but you are clueless. Often than not, a huge party is arranged and your parents will bring you to a portrait studio to have your picture taken. You are unaware, uncaring of what is going on yet even so, you managed to look nice in your one-year old picture, right? After a few years, you turn 7 and are just grateful for the gifts and the celebration. Then you turn 12, very excited and impatient to be 13…as you believe it is when high school and the fun start. Then you turn 16, life’s a breeze and everything’s easy. Age 21 comes and you are quite sad that your teenage years are physically over but in your mind are wondering why you still feel 15. You dread age 25; because you feel that you should have something to boast of by now. Yet when year 25 comes, you still feel like 15 and still feel so unaccomplished. Suddenly you are about to turn 30 and all you can think of is that you have probably spent half of your lifetime.

Can’t remember when I stopped getting excited for my birthday. I mean time comes when you don’t really count the years because it is a bit scary to realize that you have been here too long but feels like you hardly noticed it. All those years have come and gone so fast, you long for a rewind, a repeat performance. But one can never return and can even pretend that some things never happened or existed.

Thankfully, I can say that before I turn 30, I have a few accomplishments to boast, learned a lesson or two, and have seen and experienced quite a bit of what this world has to offer. My life is far from perfect and I have not really followed the so-called right path. But at least I will turn 30 carrying my wonderful plans and dreams for the next years to come in my life. My journey is just starting and I intend to experience more of what this world can offer.

I think being 30 sort of scared me because in a lot of ways as it seems that the years just roll but I remain the same. It is funny because I am certain that after 10 years when I turn 40, I will start wishing I am 30. Oh we make life so complicated!